Misty Marshall: Fear of failure
Hello there my 7&4 family! Today I want to talk about fear! now, hang on for a minute while I set you up for this one by first letting me discuss my own fears.
As a child I had a significant fear of heights. I never wanted to go in an airplane, up ladders, and the fear of balconies kept me ground level! Some of my other fears involved rodents, flying bats, and deep water. While for the most part I have outgrown these child-like fears, they have been displaced with grown-up fears, much more significant and scary.
Once again, my mission being transparent has led me to share with you my biggest grown-up fear...failure!
I have tried to lose weight so many times that I have lost count. I've taken drastic measures to try losing weight in an effort not to fail. Surgery was probably the most drastic, but there's been crash diets, fasting, and failed exercises, all in a quest to not fail at conquering the battle of the waistband!
I am at a crossroad with fear at this very moment because of the "fear of fear" when it comes to winning this war. This may sound crazy but for a woman near her mid thirties with many years of failed attempts it is a reality that I have lived time and time again.
Let me tell you what it feels like to fail...it is like letting yourself down with disappointment and knowing that you cannot hide, lie, or cheat in your own mind. Failure is like losing the World Series in the ninth inning on an error. Failure is crushing your wildest dreams and smashing your self-worth, failure is giving up when victory is right around the corner. Failure is telling yourself you cannot be successful.
For many years the fear of failure has led me to simply stop trying in many situations, but this means not living up to my full potential. This means living a life that lacks happiness, which causes me to be miserable...do you see how this cycle works? Can you tell how it would be very easy to settle, thus avoiding new things because of fear?
Last week I took my middle son Joseph to lunch as a special treat. It's something I try to do as often as possible, just to spend one on one time with my kids. It is probably one of my favorite times because I get to listen to them and be a part of their world. After last week's tragedy I treasure these times even more (side note, hug your babies).
Anyways...we went to the local Chinese restaurant (I ate veggies and chicken) and of course his favorite part of the dinner is the fortune cookie. I don't remember what Joey's fortune read but mine was "it is necessary, therefore it is possible". now, usually I get little wise sayings that mean nothing to me in my cookie, but when I read this one it gave me goose bumps! I think it set in to my extremely thick skull that fear has stopped me from fully reaching my possibilities, and that food and addiction have held me back!
As a momma with four beautiful kids, and a wife to a fantastic husband losing weight is a necessity, and somehow I have to dig deep within myself to find a place where it is possible to overcome this fear of failure in order to finally win this war!
How does one take this theory and put it into practice? All I can say is that it is a process that I am learning every day! Some days I fall short, others I conquer my demons and am able to live my possibility. Lately, I have had more good days than bad, but each day is a conscious choice, one that I have to make in order to not sabotage success because of fear of failure. I would like to think that this journey into healthy living has helped but there is still a large piece of me that wants to run back to my comfort zone...avoiding the possibility of failure. This is not healthy and somehow I have to get to the point where I no longer linger in this fear.
Thinking about necessity helps me when I'm struggling. I already feel like a much more productive mom, wife, person just with the pounds that I've already lost. I like the feeling of success. I enjoy being able to do things previously impossible and my body just doesn't hurt as much as it used to. Perhaps it is time to finally wipe out this fear of failure!
in closing, I want to say fear is a tricky thing. Sometimes our irrational thoughts make way to stopping us from success. I want to live each day free from fear, therefore I can celebrate each small victory over addiction! I am still a work in progress, but I know that this journey is necessary, therefore it is possible!
your assignment this week...let's give fear of failure a big fat kick in the pants! We can conquer because we are strong!