This last week has been faced with many obstacles. I have struggled to stay on Target and not sabotage my weight loss because of my own self doubts and negative thinking. First, I have been frustrated with my "old thinking" which has been responsible for telling me that I am going to fail, second, stress has crept into my daily schedule and third, I've lost sight of the goal...healthy living!
This week has been about soul searching to find the inner strength that I know is inside of me, strength that may just be covered up with a little bit of anxiety about this process.
I've struggled, but in my struggles have thought that many of my blog readers may also be experiencing the same feelings that I am, so once again on my quest to be transparent I want to share a few of my "stinkin thinkin" thoughts in an effort to combat the feelings of being a failure in the process of weight loss hurdles!
I have to admit that as a food addict, I had my first taste of fast food since this process began, and it was a set back for me. I crave a certain breakfast sandwich from my favorite fast food chain and I gave in. After I ate it I told myself I was going to have to hide the trash so my husband didn't see it, and then I started feeling guilty about keeping the secret from him. Consequently this guilt led to me eating lunch at that same restaurant.
Rather than admit to myself that I messed up, I made several excuses in my head as to try to justify eating that sandwich. I think my rationalization skills when it comes to food are as about as bad (or good) as a politician on Election Day! I told myself "I deserved that sandwich" and "it is ok to cheat as long as you don??t get caught". These thoughts, to an addict are dangerous!
I added the sandwich into my food journal, only to at the end of the day take it out and replace it with a "legal" item similar in calories! Ridiculous! I knew I couldn't lie to myself, but somehow this rationalization made me feel better knowing the words "Misty's favorite breakfast sandwich" was covered up by a Greek yogurt!
This may seem a bit odd to you, but if you are honest you would probably say that this rationalizing isn't just something that happens to me, but you too have faced similar thoughts...and if so, let me be the first to say that it is essential to forgive yourself and move on.
Stinkin thinkin thought number two that I faced last week was that I am going to fail. With the level of progress I have made since this journey began I am certain that I will be successful but my perception of myself has been skewed...I'm looking into funny glasses trying to see farther than my nose only to experience the world's largest headache, or in this case failure!
This insecurity comes from many unsuccessful attempts to lose weight, it is held together by the many hurdles that have been left knocked over along the track of life's journey! But, I must learn that past failures do not equal current and or future failures as long as I learn from my mistakes and once again?|forgive myself. I am learning but I know I have a hard head because it is slowly getting through.
I think that the fear of failure is probably the scariest of ??stinkin thinkin?? thoughts because in retrospect your thoughts can cause you to self sabotage. I don??t know about you but I have discovered that if I think in a negative pattern I begin to develop a pattern of living similar to those thoughts. Taking this journey into consideration, if I think I am going to fail, I am going to start failing. Does that make sense? To me, I have to learn that the past belongs in the past and the future is still being discovered.
The last ??stinkin thinkin?? thought that I have faced lately is that ??I cannot do this??. I CAN and WILL do this! I may have set backs, but those setbacks don??t define who I am as a person. I ended up putting that breakfast sandwich back into my food journal and laid in my bed and cried for about fifteen minutes. I must admit the last person I wanted to hear from at that moment was the magnificent Ryan Heary?|aka my personal trainer! Somehow though, God has a way of knowing exactly what we need and that is why I received a text from him, just about that same time!
The text read as follows: ??Hey you, you could never be a failure, because you work way too hard and are doing amazing! Please don??t ever talk like you are failing because you have a lot of people rooting for you! Think Positive, You??re awesome!
When I read this text I knew that giving up was not an option! I can do this and I will, if for nothing else to prove to myself that I can! I need to take that T out of CAN! Ryan told me that if I use the word can??t around him he will show me that I can?|which translates into about ten more flights of stairs to climb, or eighty bench squats! It??s amazing how this factor motivates me to change my ??stinkin thinkin because I know I will feel the burn of eighty bench squats and ten flights of stairs! If only I could transfer that feeling into my mind, it may make this process a bit easier.
When my dad was alive he would always tell me to change my ??stinkin thinkin??, and he preached many of sermons on Sunday morning about the same topic! He was always telling his congregation about how in God??s eyes we were viewed without our faults and that God??s love was enough to carry us through any hurdle we may face. I wish that we could view ourselves through these undistorted eyes knowing that deep inside we all have the ability to succeed, even when it comes to overcoming addictions to food!
In closing, I want to say for most people it may not be a big deal to eat at a fast food restaurant, or even have a few of ??Misty??s favorite breakfast sandwiches?? but to me it was a temporary set-back. It is irrational to think I will never again face this set-back or eat something I feel is ??bad?? but I think next time it won??t take me as long to forgive myself for my weakness and move on. One bad choice does not have to ruin a complete day, week, or month!
Your challenge for today, what stinkin thinkin thoughts do you have to get rid of? What steps do you need to take to eliminate the negativity, and what motivation do you need to make it through these hurdles? I want to hear from my readers on this one! Please, let??s keep each other motivated. There is nothing better than having friends and family support you while you are on life??s journey.
Much love to you all,